Day 24

On to disk 3 of Sex and the City this morning. With every episode that ends I feel more and more like Carrie Bradshaw. I did learn that it usually takes half the time you dated someone to get over them. Here's to 4 more months of tears! Ozzie is sitting next to me with that saddest look on his little brown face. "Daddy, play with me."

going to throw the ball around for a bit

Day 23

Why have I come here? That was the question I asked myself the minute I stepped off the plane. Was it for a new life? career? or dare I say it.....love? I've always been one for change and that's been the one true consistent thing in my life. This change came a lot sooner than expected and I'm not quite sure how to deal with it. Waking up and actually feeling happy to be alive is something out of the ordinary for me. Looking forward to going to work everyday makes no sense! While downing a long island iced tea at the bar last night, it hit me like a one-armed paper hanger....I want love. I feel the need to be domesticated. But why? Why do I feel the NEED to be in a relationship? Why do I NEED someone else to make me feel like I'm good enough. Maybe it's because deep down I feel like I never will be. Being that guy who bends over backwards for that special someone and never having that happy ending gets old and quite exhausting. All I want to do is just find that glimmer of hope. Spending the better part of a year being in love with someone who doesn't love you back was the most painful thing to ever go through. Now watching him in a successful relationship for over 6 months make me wonder...WHAT THE HOLY FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?! Why? Why can't I be the one to find someone for a change. I would like to think that I'm somewhat attractive and have a good personality. Yet alas, still single and still broken-hearted. Don't get me wrong, I date. Nobody ever seems to fit that mold of that Mr. Right. Settling is not in the cards. Knowing what you want is never a bad thing.